12.10.2020

My depression come back. I keep thinking the why, what's wrong with me, what mistake did i make, is it my fault? I been holding my tears for days. When shit happens, i keep saying that its okay. Everything will be okay. But i do know, that i'm hurt inside. I constantly ask, why me again? All the things happened surround me. Its hurt. It's not easy. I try to make it easy, but it's never. It's hard cause I never trust anybody. I tried to be opened but now, I'm closed again. I know everything happened for a reason. But, I don't know how to explain it. I hope I got passes through it again.

Entry after The best guy ever gone from my life.

1.6.2020

Reality hit me damn hard. People don't know what have I been through this past 27 years. Been told that ur mental health is not okay is totally not easy for me to deal with it. Even I'm afraid to tell any of my family members.

I just hope that I be brave enough to face this all alone. I know is not easy at all but I need to do it for myself.

Depression

PTSD

Anxiety

Binge

Being a 24 years old its seem not real. Beside, I still thinking that I'm still in my early 20s. A lots of running in the head for a single woman like me.

Lately, I'm pretty consern about my health issues. I don't why, I lose my appetite. I only eat once a day. I do drink a lot of waters. To avoid dehydrate. After the a month fasting, I continue another month fasting. For second month, only 3-4 days fasting in a week. So, when its gonna be in the third month, I started feeling something not good is happening

I am who the lost Me is back

panjang betul mukadimah entry untuk tahun yang baru ni. apa-apa pun, i'm going to blogging again. I think, I found the Me who lost before :)



tinta penulis: please looking forward to my next entry :)

hilang

lama sudah tidak di kunjungi laman ini.

aku hilang bukan bersembunyi tetapi kesibukan menjalani arus kehidupan yang deras buat masa ini.

aku hilang; juga. hilang diri yang mempunyai kata-kata untuk di sumbangkan dalam dunia blog ini.

aku kagum dengan penulisan aku yang dulu.

aku rindu aku yang dulu.

perlu ku toleh ke belakang semula untuk mencari aku yang hilang.



tinta penulis: mohon kalian menunggu aku. perlu masa untuk kembali.

sedang berkejar untuk dunia & akhirat....




tinta penulis: masih byk hutang dgn Yang Maha Besar yg masih blom terlaksana... mudah2an sempat...

rindu sangat!

aku tak tahu apa da jadi. yang pasti aku tak telan pil, dan tak ambil benda2 yang bukan2. tapi yang pelek nye, aku rasa perasaan aku sasau giler sekarang ni! napa ye??

tak tentu arah je... aku rasa aku rindu seseorang... tapi aku tak tahu siapa gerangan yang dirindui itu... aku rasa aku nak jerit tapi tidak terluah bagai tersangkut di kerongkong suara...

tidak keruan sungguh! sungguh!

ALLAH, ku mohon padaMu, ringan kan segala apa yang bakal ku tempuhi. Amin.


tinta penulis: mungkin rindu ku pada satu2nya Yang Maha Esa dan juga kekasihnya... INSYAALLAH, tamatnya proses wajib bagi wanita itu berlalu akan ku segera berwudhu, berteleku di tikar sejadah dan mengalunkan kalimahNya...